Control and Responsibility
Dear Daughter,
In an earlier letter we touched on the ideas of control and responsibility. Releases a little much deeper with these crucial concepts.
If you ever find that someones habits is driving you nuts, please slow down and think about the possibility of control problems on your part. Did you know that it is possible for you to attempt to manage another person and not even be aware of what you are doing? Its very possible. This is a common dynamic in relationships that involve drug and alcohol abuse. Nevertheless, this dynamic is typically discovered in other relationships too. It is something you require to know and comprehend in order to avoid bad relationships and increase your capability to develop excellent relationships.
Does it upset you when you hear somebody chatter. Does it upset you when somebody acts as if they are much better than everybody else, or if somebody is impolite? These things can be annoying, but if you remain inflamed longer than most other individuals, stop and think about the possibility of control concerns.
When you are distressed by another individuals habits, its normally due to the fact that they are not acting the method you think they ought to act. You may know what the individual is doing wrong and what they must or must not do. It might be clear to you that the persons behavior is hazardous. If they would just do as you state they would be better off. You wish to help this person and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.
Keep in mind that you can not control another person. You http://dominicknapc852.iamarrows.com/how-to-save-money-on-civil-wedding-japan can make recommendations, however you cant control the person and make them behave as you believe they should. In fact, the only thing you can control is your own behavior.
Some of your pain might be due to the fact that you feel responsible for the other persons habits. Think about this: If you cant control another individuals habits, how can you be accountable for that behavior? If another individual chooses to gossip, be rude, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, remember that they are responsible for that behavior, not you.
What can you control and what are you responsible for? You can just manage one thing and you are just accountable for one thing, which is your own habits. What can you do in these circumstances?
Initially, it is handy to stop and think through the circumstance as it connects to control and obligation. Are you upset? If you are upset, is it related to another individuals behavior? Were you in control of that habits? Were you accountable for that habits? If not, then put that concern down. Take the weight off of your shoulders and feel the relief! It is constantly practical to clarify what you are and what you are not in control of, and what you can and can not do.
Now that the mind is clear, believe about what you can control and what you are responsible for. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other person is doing and focus on what you can do. You may choose to have a discussion with the individual and let them know that what you heard sounded impolite or big-headed.
What about the person who feels guilty due to the fact that they made someone mad? Does it upset you if somebody blows up? I expect that lots of people would feel some emotion. However, everyone decides how he or she will react to a situation. In some cases they provide it some thought and act, and sometimes they react with little thought.
Do not get me incorrect, I may become upset, but it will be my option. I am responsible for my own anger. You are not responsible for my anger, but you are responsible for your habits that I am responding to.
The point is that not only are we accountable for our own actions, however we are also responsible for our own reactions and feelings [an exception would be the person who suffers from a mental disorder and a chemical imbalance that impacts the emotions]
Often, the people around this individual bend over backwards and stroll on eggshells to keep this person from becoming angry. Of all, the individuals around this individual are attempting to control another person. They are attempting to control this individuals feelings by doing whatever it takes to keep the person from becoming angry.
These people are feeling responsible for another individuals feelings. The more the individual misbehaves with his/her anger, the more embarrassed the other people end up being.
Lastly, these people are enhancing this individuals improper anger. All the individual has to do is blow up and everybody scrambles to please him or her.
I am not recommending that you need to intervene in these circumstances and intentionally make the individual mad, although that may be fun. I simply desire you to be knowledgeable about the dynamic and not get caught up in the role of attempting to manage another individual.
I hope that this is not confusing. I am telling you this to, ideally, prevent confusion. I likewise desire you to be knowledgeable about this vibrant and prevent attempting to control another individual or feel responsible for another persons habits. Comprehending the principles of obligation and control will be important throughout your lifetime.